Bobby vs. Mr. Banana
October 26th, 2009 bobby gWell folks, today was interesting. After I had finished my delicious lunch, my banana decided to take on a life of its own. It was completely unexpected turn of events. Usually I just eat my banana and go on with my day. Today Mr. Banana pleaded for his delicious life. The following played out in real time between 12:30PM and 2PM. Names, events, and locations are reflected as accurately as possible.
12:30PM
Nearing the end of my nutritious lunch, I began to eyeball my banana with a deliciously murderous intent. As I contemplated my plan of attack, Mr. Banana promptly pleaded for his life. He has a wife and baby son who live in my fridge and wants to see them grow up big and strong. Since I’m a reasonable fellow, and mostly full from the rest of my lunch, I decided to delay the decision on his fate until 2PM.
The Introduction of Mr. Banana
1:30PM
Now I’ve given Mr. Banana a solid hour to plead his case while I digest the rest of my lunch. He really doesn’t have anything more to add other than wanting to see his kid grow up and something about there will be consequences if he is killed. Just when I am about to provide him a stay on his execution guess who shows up? None other that Nutella. If you are not familiar, Nutella is a scrumptious badass. Basically he jumps on almost any food and makes it even better. He likes his job. He’s good at his job. When someone questions eating something he gets rather upset.
Well friends, Nutella pulls out a knife and puts it up to Mr. Banana’s throat and says: “If you don’t kill this banana, I will.” That sounded pretty serious and tasty to me.
Nutella rolls up onto the scene and threatens Mr. Banana
1:45PM
At this point, Mr. Banana had to know it was not going to end well. He had a terrible start to his day when he got into my lunch bag and then watched as I devoured a PB&J sandwich, 20 baby carrots, and some crackers. Nutella and I prepared his execution William Wallace-style. Blindfolded, Mr. Banana makes one last plea for his life:
Mr. Banana makes a William Wallace-style final plea
2:00PM
I’m not going to lie. He was delicious and full of potassium. Mr. Nutella added a little extra sweetness to the story as well. I am afraid however that there will be consequences to my actions. As he lay split open on my desk he let out his death rattle:
The bell tolls for thee, Mr. Banana.
I fear the worst that tomorrow I will encounter his kin looking to avenge his death. Will Nutella and I be up for the challenge? Stay tuned to find out!
